More Smacketology: East Baltimore Bracket

East Baltimore Region

#1 Avon Barksdale v. #8 Roland "Prez" Pryzbylewski aka Mr. Prezbo

There's been a good amount of discussion on the Interwebs about what the value when judging these characters against each other. Do you evaluate characters by their bodycounts (Brother Mouzone, Wee-Bey), or do you value character development and tearjerking moments? Well, I'm on the fence. If you're into the whole badass thing, then this matchup is a wash, Avon takes it without a second thought. However, I have a soft spot for Mr. Prezbo, the hopelessly incompetent cop turned respected middle school teacher. Prez had one of the more complete arcs in the series. His time in the detail proved that he wasn't as worthless as he seemed initially, though he could be counted on for one colossal fuckup per season. Despite Prez's compelling story, it's hard to overlook Avon's effortless cool. He was cocky enough to taunt the cops when they couldn't catch him and savvy enough to reduce his prison sentence when he was caught. Avon was a grade-A BAWSE and his charisma powers his way through the first round.

Winner: Avon

#4 Tommy Carcetti v. #5 Duquan "Dukie" Weems

Dukie's a sweet kid born into the shittiest circumstances of any television character in recent memory. He and Michael provide the emotional core of Seasons 4 and 5, but his story is such a relentless downer that I can't really advance him here. Carcetti is an interesting character anyway, especially in the beginning of Season 4, when he is miserable about running for mayor. I also want to shout out Carcetti's campaign advisor Norman, who was not included in the bracket, but was the most under-the-radar comedian on the entire show. Sure, Cheese eats up the big laughs when he talks about midgets pulling guns from their nether regions, but Norman's sly irony deserves a special mention.

Winner: Carcetti

#3 Bunny Colvin v. #6 Serge Malatov

Here are the interesting things about Serge Malatov:

1. He's Russian (or something), so everybody calls him Boris

2. "Does he have hands? Does he have a face? Then it wasn't us!"

That's it. Bunny Colvin is one of the most charismatic and important characters in the entire show. Many characters, like Dukie and D'Angelo, are defined by their helplessness in the face of institutional power. Bunny is one of the few characters who routinely bucks institutional authority, with Hamsterdam in Season 3 and his special classroom in Season 4, and he gives a mean speech. Bunny is an honest police officer in a city full of careerists and corruption, honestly trying to make the world around him better. He doesn't even need to speak to be compelling. He breezes past the semi-anonymous hitman in the easiest match-up of the bracket.

Winner: Bunny

#2 Proposition Joe Stewart v. #7 Frank Sobotka

Proposition Joe was one of my favorite characters from the first moment he appears, in a basketball game between East Baltimore and West Baltimore (skip to 2:50). "Man, look the part be the part motherfucker!" Prop Joe is one of the smartest characters in the show. He's been around the game forever and he reached the top through his wits, not through muscle. He's respected by the Greeks, the Cops and the Streets. He's a shifty motherfucker, but he has his own code of honor. Prop Joe is always fun to watch, and he'd almost be cuddly if he wasn't a cold-hearted gangster. Frank is a decent working man trying to do what's best for his family and his union, but he is doomed by his retarded son and his inability to realize how dangerous his business partners truly are. It's a good story and a good performance, but it doesn't hold a candle to the awesomeness of Prop Joe. Also, this scene

Winner: Prop Joe

Sweet 16

#1 Avon Barksdale v. #4 Tommy Carcetti

It’s the BAWSE vs. the Boss in this matchup. Tommy Carcetti’s introduction to the show was a significant moment. He opened up the world of City Hall and showed that people in City Hall are playing the Game as well, but a different kind of game where the decisions they make effect everyone in the city. Avon's a master of the drug game, but Carcetti mastered the political game, managing to get elected as Baltimore's first white mayor since the 60s. Carcetti has some funny scenes and brilliant speeches, but Avon is the epitome of gangster charisma and the main antagonist of the first season. He's the type of guy who Rick Ross claims to be in his songs, above the fray but not afraid to get his hands dirty. Sure, Carcetti is in charge of the City government, but Avon rules the streets.

Winner: Avon (I'm gonna keep posting this until he loses)

#2 Proposition Joe v. #3 Bunny Colvin

This is the hardest choice I'm going to have to make in this bracket. I'm gonna have to think about it for a while.

Ok I'm back. As I mentioned before, Bunny represents creator David Simon's idealistic vision on how the city should work. The war on drugs costs too much with too little of a payoff? Well, then stop fighting it. A class of many students is disrupted by a few trouble makers? Put them in their own class and everybody will learn better. Bunny Colvin is the character who is willing to change the Game, instead of exploiting it for its own ends. Robert Wisdom's portrayal of Bunny Colvin is so intense and honest that it never seems like he's preaching, just voicing his deeply held convictions. Bunny edges out Carcetti as the most effective speaker in the series. Prop Joe, also wants to change the Game, trying to convince Avon and Marlo to put aside petty gang violence in the name of bigger profits and he's smart enough to do it. He has the best product, and he knows that it gives him an advantage in the black market, so he leverages that into forming the New Day Co-Op. His one flaw is his belief that his druglord colleagues will put away street values in the name of profit. He speaks softly, but people listen, cause what he says is worth hearing and often hilarious. I know that if I don't pick Prop Joe here, I'll be a cadaverous motherfucker. It's too bad, cause I would've picked Bunny over all the other #2 seeds.

Winner: Prop Joe

Elite 8

#1 Avon Barksdale v. #2 Proposition Joe

East Side v. West Side. It's a rivalry as old as dogs v. cats and it's represented here by the drug kingpins of each side. Avon and Proposition Joe have very different leadership styles. Avon is a soldier who leans on his muscle and makes quick, often rash decisions. Prop Joe, on the other hand, is a strategist, who uses the type of dealmaking favored by the politicians in City Hall and high-level police officers like Burrell and Valchek to get his way. Avon spent the better part of three seasons as the main target for the detail's investigations, and while Prop Joe stayed on the sidelines, he was still compelling whenever he was on the screen. It's hard to debate semantics here. Avon was part of the most important character conflict of the entire series, but was routinely outacted by Stringer Bell. Honestly, this one comes down to which character I enjoyed watching more, and who I missed most when he left the show, and Proposition Joe takes both counts.

Winner: Prop Joe

And Prop Joe advances to the Final Four

More Wire-y goodness coming tomorrow

Smacketology Now: West Baltimore Region

Serious Wire spoilers ahead. Don't read too carefully if you haven't seen the whole thing (don't click on links)

On Monday, Grantland released a 32-man (there are two women in there, but they both like girls) March Madness style bracket for best characters on The Wire, the greatest program ever to air on television. Let me start by saying they easily could have made a 64-man bracket and still could have left off some memorable characters. Remember that guy who played Ashy Larry on Chappelle’s Show as Clay Davis’s drug-running chauffeur? Anyway, this 32 person bracket is far from comprehensive, leaving off some fan-favorites. Here are the most notable omissions:

Carver: They include Herc, but not Carver? Seriously? In the first three seasons, they were practically the same person, and what made them different in seasons 4 and 5 was key. Namely, that Carver had a brain and Herc did not. Still, Carver was one of the major characters of Season 4 and a member of the original detail and should have been included.

Slim Charles: “Murder ain’t no thing, but this here some assassination shit” After making a name for himself as a “rumble-tumble” hitman in the Barksdale Organization, Slim came into his own in seasons 4 and 5 as Prop Joe’s right-hand man, dropping pearls of hood wisdom and generally being cooler than everybody. Sure, Simmons said he would’ve won the NIT, but everybody knows the NIT doesn’t mean shit.

Rhonda: Meh.

Beadie Russell: Good character and good performance, but her role was a little slight. Still, she’s better than that Russian dude.

Jay Landsman: How can you leave out the funny fat guy?

Oh well, you can’t win ‘em all (shout out to Vondas, Nicky, Mayor Royce, the Greek, Butchie, Namond and Randy). And like everyone in the show is so fond of saying, it’s all in the Game. Moving on.

West Baltimore Region:

#1 Omar Little v. #8 Ziggy Sobotka

This is the second easiest matchup of the first round. Ziggy spent most of Season 2 as an annoying little punk, fucking up everything he touched, until he fucked up so badly that you felt sorry for him. It’s shocking to me that he beat out Carver in the imaginary play-in game. Omar is respected and feared by viewers and characters alike and he easily passes to the next round.

Winner: Omar

#4 Chris Partlow v. #5 Dennis “Cutty” Wise

It may look tough at first glance, but this is an easy one for me. The duo of Chris and Snoop provided many great moments in the fourth season, but Chris never had any great moments on his own. Chris was a cold motherfucker. He had one of the highest body counts of anyone in the series, but he barely even changed his stony facial expression (except this once). By all accounts, Cutty was as cold as Chris back in the early 90s, but it’s his transformation to mentor for troubled kids like Spider and Mike in his gym that really left an impression. The Wire is frequently bleak, but Cutty’s story is one of the few bright spots. Sorry Chris. Good thing he isn’t real, or I might find myself dead in a vacant house.

Winner: Cutty

#3 Snoop Pearson v. #6 D’Angelo Barksdale

Toughest matchup of the regional, one of the toughest overall. This matchup comes down to what you value when you watch The Wire. The Wire is the greatest television show of all time for several reasons, but the relevant ones here are its gallery of quirky and colorful characters and its ability to weave these characters into dramatically satisfying, often heart-wrenching story arcs. Snoop is one of the show’s most colorful characters, possibly because the actress is playing a barely fictionalized version of herself. She stars in one of the series’ best scenes (oh my God what is she gonna do with that nail gun?!) and her incomprehensible mumble is good for laughs and occasionally poignancy (“How my hair look?”). D’Angelo, however, is the heart and soul of the first two seasons of the show, a decent guy born into an evil family. His signature scene is another one of the series’ best (“Where the fuck is Wallace? STRING?!”), and when he died, the street scenes lost a moral center, which they didn’t really regain until the kids showed up in Season 4. Snoop is one the most fun characters to watch, but D’s storyline is one of the most complete and most tragic in the series, so I have to give him the edge.

Winner: D’Angelo

#2 Michael Lee v. #7 “Cheese” Wagstaff

Ohhh Cheese. Too bad this isn’t a bracket for “Funniest Wire Character,” cause if it was, Cheese would edge the Bunk in the finals (other two final four-ers, Jay Landsman and Prop Joe). The fact that he is portrayed by Method Man, which implies that Cheese had a monstrous off-screen blunt habit, significantly adds to the comedy factor. Respect to Meth, but Michael Lee is a powerhouse of a character. If anybody in this bracket has a chance to take down Omar, it’s Michael, his spiritual successor. Michael was the quietest of the four kids, but easily the most charismatic, dominating nearly every scene with his blank stares. Sorry Cheese, but there ain’t no nostalgia in this bracket.

Winner: Mike

Sweet 16

#1 Omar v. #5 Cutty

Poor Cutty doesn't stand a chance. Cutty's a great character, but Omar's a legend, Robin Hood for the hood. These two characters never shared a scene together, interestingly enough, the universe of the show is just so vast. Cutty doesn't care though, he's gonna just keep boxing, coaching, banging the mothers of the kids who come to his gym and listening to awesome soul music.

Winner: Omar

#6 D'Angelo v. #2 Michael Lee

Another tough one. But not too tough. D and Mike are two of the most well-developed characters in the entire show, changing more in two seasons than many of the cops did in all five. D's story is tragic and "Where the Fuck is Wallace?!" is one of the show's signature quotes, but Michael beats him out thanks to his pivotal role in one of the show's best episodes (season 5's "Late Editions," featuring this whopper of a scene), and probably because Mike's young age raises the dramatic stakes and makes Tristan Wilds' performance even more impressive.

Winner: Mike

Elite 8

#1 Omar v. #2 Michael

And here's where Michael's run ends. Michael is one of the most compelling characters of the show's latter seasons. Sure, Omar may not be the most subtle of Wire characters, but he's the star of so many great moments and has so may memorable lines that it's impossible not to pencil him into the final four. Plus, he's got a Presidential endorsement, which means it's my duty as an American to grant Omar a victory in this matchup.

Winner: Omar