It took a really long time for me to find a picture of her wearing all her clothes
Apologies to Passion of the Weiss, who I basically stole this idea from (it hasn't been used since 2006, so I think it's alright). Nicki's anchor verse for Kanye West's new (amazing) track "Monster," is crazy even by Ms. Minaj's insane standards. I'm gonna try my best to convey the verse with images (and explanations when I deem necessary).
"Pull up in the monster/automobile gangster/with a bad bitch that came from Sri Lanka"
Who's the baddest bitch from Sri Lanka? M.I.A.!
"Yeah I’m in that Tonka/color of Willy Wonka" I think she meant the color of the Oompa Loompas, since Willy Wonka is white.
"You could be the King/but watch the Queen conquer" Get it?
"Ok first things first I’ll eat your brains/Then I’mma start rocking gold teeth and fangs" Flavor Flav has much experience with gold teeth and fangs. Extensive heroin use has eaten his brain.
"Cause that’s what a muthafucking monster do/Hairdresser from milan, that's the monster do"
"Monster Giuseppe heel/that’s the monster shoe"
"Young money is the roster and the monster crew" It sorta sounds like she's saying "Munster Crew"
"And I’m all up all up all up in the bank with the funny face/And if I’m fake I ain't notice cause my money ain't"
"So let me get this straight, wait, I’m the rookie/But my features and my shows ten times your pay?" Ms. Minaj is clearly commenting on the illogical wage structure of NFL rookies (and MLB since the rise of Scott Boras), who oftentimes make ten times as much money on draft day than some veterans do in their entire careers.Clearly.
"50k for a verse no album out!" 50k for her fresh start!
"Yeah my money’s so tall that my barbie’s gotta climb it/Hotter than a middle eastern climate" This was the easiest line to find funny pictures for.
"Find it Tony Matterhorn dutty wine it" I got nothing
"While it, Nicki on them titties when I sign it" I still have no idea what she's talking about
"How these n-ggas so one-track minded/But really really I don’t give a F-U-C-K" She would probably give a fuck if they were riding round town with the girl she loves.
"Forget barbie f-ck nicki she’s fake/She’s on a diet but my pockets eating cheese cake" Seriously, sometimes you need a Rosetta Stone with this woman
"And I’ll say boy the Chucky is Child’s play"
Just killed another career it’s a mild day Remember when Trina was Weezy's go-to female rapper? Neither do I. Nicki: 1, World: 0
"Besides ‘Ye they can’t stand besides me/I think me, you and Am should menage Friday" Amber Rose is Kanye's current girlfriend. They both have the same hairdo. It's weird.
Pink wig thick ass give em whip lash/I think big get cash make em blink fast
Now look at what you just saw I think this is what you live for/Aaahhhh, I’m a muthaf-cking monster! Indeed, Nicki's a real monster.
BOSS! ROZAY! I think I’m BIG MEECH! I listen to a lot of rap for a lot of reasons. Sometimes, such as when I’m listening to Nas, Common or the Tribe, I try to pay attention to the nuances of the beat and the rhythm and lyricism of the verses. Sometimes, however, I just wanna listen to a fat man shout inane catchphrases over the least subtle beat possible. Such is my feeling when I listen to “B.M.F. (Blowin’ Money Fast),” the lead single from Teflon Don, Rick Ross’s fourth album. Ross makes music that appeals directly to the pleasure center of the brain – the area that has always dreamed of popping champagne on a luxury yacht.
Until recently, Rick Ross was a clown, the biggest joke in rap music. Ross is a (give or take) 300-pound man with a full beard who frequently appears shirtless in music videos. Though he has a booming voice, his flow was often stilted and halting and he could never seem to find a rhyming dictionary. Except when he rhymed his own name with the word Boss. He was very good at that and did that at least thirty times a song. Then there was that one verse in “Hustlin’” where he kept rhyming “twenty-twos” with “twenty-twos.” Adding insult, Ross, who consistently exaggerated about being a drug kingpin in his “rhymes,” was exposed as a former corrections officer, which is commonly known as the least hood profession (behind chartered accountant and insurance claims adjuster). It seemed like strong support from Def Jam and a friendship with Jay-Z were the only things keeping Ross from falling off the face of the Earth.
However, with the release of 2009’s Deeper Than Rap, and particularly the single “Maybach Music 2,” a strange thing happened: people began to take Rick Ross seriously. Ross embraced all the criticism levied against him for his previous releases and emphasized the most outrageous, oversized aspects of his music. Instead of rapping about selling drugs and being a kingpin, Ross focuses more on the spoils of his successes: money, cars, clothes and hos. In the late 70s, some (mostly crappy) rock bands releaseda brand of highly polished soft rock, called Yacht Rock, created to be the type of smooth music that a yacht owner would listen to on his boat. Ross, in 2010, has embodied a similar type of music, which I like to call yacht rap--music to be enjoyed while sipping Cristal on a speedboat, and possibly with strippers and high class prostitutes. Teflon Don is the epitome of his new yacht rap aesthetic.
On Teflon Don, Ross works with producers who can create a larger-than-life, cinematic synth sound and let Ross fill the spaces with his booming voice. The two (nearly identical) Lex Luger tracks, "MC Hammer" and "BMF," are symphonies of bombast and are full of quotable lines and catchphrases. The Boss of Teflon Don is much improved as a rapper . He has improved his delivery considerably and his lyricism isn't nearly as headache inducing as it used to be (or, more likely, he hired a couple good ghostwriters). Ross adopted Maybach Music as a motto, as Ross's music represents a life of unattainable luxury, which Ross enjoys. However, the difference between Teflon Don-Ross and the old Ross is evident on "Maybach Music III," in which he trades in the second version's T-Pain for critical darling Erykah Badu--classy, no? The A-List guest list (Jay-Z, T.I., Kanye, Gucci Mane, Drake) that Ross brings onto Teflon Don, furthers the conception that he's living a life that none of us can possibly lead, and though he's routinely murdered by these guests (especially by Kanye on "Live Fast, Die Young"), he seems less of a punching bag than a gracious host, allowing his friends to step into his mansion and kill a verse.
Ultimately, listening to Teflon Don is like watching a good episode of Entourage (read: one released before 2007). It gives the listener a taste of an unattainable, perfect life and lifestyle, without being the least bit pretentious or condescending. Teflon Don is breezy and very replayable, and while Ross may be full of shit, it doesn't matter if you buy the act and enjoy the fantastic production. While you may never think of Rick Ross as Big Meech or Larry Hoover, you can at least count on him as a reliable source of some truly enjoyable rap music.
With the release of any high-profile, widely buzzed-about mixtape comes speculation about whether the rapper will retain his rhyming prowess after his inevitable jump to the mainstream. Wale’s Seinfeld themed Mixtape About Nothing was one of the better mixtapes released in recent years and proved Wale to be a versatile and exciting rapper, with a strong social sense, evidenced by the tape’s centerpiece (“The Kramer”), which dissected the widespread use of the n-word through the prism of Michael Richards’ infamous rant. In ’09, Wale released a middling LP-debut, Attention Deficit, which featured Lady Gaga on the lead single, middling production (with one big exception) and a less sharp lyrical approach. While there are some gems (“Shades,” “TV in the Radio,” “Pretty Girls”), Attention Deficit calls into question whether Wale can be effective in the mainstream record industry. More About Nothing seems to indicate that the problem lies with Wale himself.
On The Mixtape About Nothing, Wale is the equivalent of an athlete in a contract year: he was rapping to get a deal, and he tried as hard as he can to demonstrate his rhyming ability, versatility and his talent for discussing race in a way that doesn’t come off as preachy or offensive. More About Nothing suggests that Wale is rap’s Vince Carter, capable of exhilarating feats, but unable to elevate his game to an elite level unless something real is at stake. Wale’s flow remains strong, effortlessly weaving intricate rhyme schemes and sports references into his verses, except on the songs where he is content to merely talk over a beat (he doesn’t nearly have the force of personality to pull that off). The beats, however, are a little same-y; even on multiple listens, it’s sorta hard to tell the songs apart, as they all seem to be produced by a poor man’s Cool & Dre (even the one produced by Cool & Dre, themselves), going for a breezy aesthetic that sounds labored, not laid back.
Despite the similarity of the beats, the record is a lot of fun to listen to. Again, Wale's flow is excellent. Ultimately, the problem with More About Nothing is a lack of focus. On “The War,” Wale jokes “I ain’t sayin’ nothin’ anyway, so I might as well talk about nothing,” but the secret of Seinfeld, and The Mixtape About Nothing, is that it was really about everything: everyday life, failed relationships, social standards, etc. More About Nothing, it turns out, is actually all about Wale—even the “Kramer” equivalent, “The Eye of the Tiger,” in which he rhapsodizes the fate of idolized athletes in American culture, associates Tiger’s plight with his own newfound fame. Wale’s diatribes about the perils of fame are not nearly as fresh or interesting as his old rhymes about his record label drama or the state of race in America. Wale’s spent his last couple recordings chillin’, but it’s about time he got a little serious.
Clarification: I'm ranking their best Hip-Hop beats
5. "What Happened to That Boy" - Baby ft. Clipse
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Birdman. He's fly in any weather. While "What Happened To That Boy" is clearly the most intimidating song ever written with a bird call in the chorus, it's also a great example of the Neptunes' minimalist style. The beat itself only consists of a short synth loop, rhythmic handclaps and a short drum break at the start of each bar. Chad and Pharrell leave it to the rappers to fill in the blanks, providing the ice-cold ambience that Pusha T and Malice of the Clipse love. The iciness of the beat even manages to make Baby (or Birdman, or whatever) seem intimidating. To show how simple the original beat is, I'm embedding the intrumental, too.
4. "Drop it Like It's Hot" - Snoop Dogg ft. Pharrell
SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP. Speaking of minimalism, the beat for "Drop It Like It's Hot" is about has sparse as they come, consisting of mainly percussion - the only truly "musical" aspects of this beat are the saw breakdowns that precede each chorus and the instantly catchy "Snoooop" chant. The true hooks, however, come from the percussion, particularly the tongue clicks, a great example of the percussive flourishes that define the Neptunes Sound. "Drop It Like It's Hot" is probably one of the strangest songs ever to reach the top of the charts, and it's a tribute to The Neptunes' skill that they can make a huge dancefloor hit out of such few, unusual parts.
3. "Shake Ya Ass"/"Bouncin' Back (Bumpin' Me Against the Wall)" - Mystikal
While rappers like Lil Wayne, Birdman and Master P are from New Orleans, Mystikal makes New Orleans rap. The beats for "Shake Ya Ass," and especially "Bouncin' Back" draw from New Orleans' rich jazz culture, with the Neptunes forsaking their usual synth-driven sound for a more organic brass band flavor. These two songs are perhaps the best example of how the Neptunes are able to work towards the strengths of the artist. Mystikal's flow is unconventional, to say the least, full of random shouts and pauses. It's fitting that the "Bouncin' Back" video takes place in a mental institution. The Neptunes' beats perfectly suit Mystikal's rabid-dog energy, leaving him space to work, while adding regional flourishes.
"Shake Ya Ass" was one of the Neptunes' first major hits, reaching #13 on the Billboard Charts in 2000. The beat is colored by maracas, bongos, jazz flute and keyboard, and accordion. The drums, however, retain the Neptunes' main trademark, such as the big bass drum hits, that can be found in Ludacris' "Southern Hospitality" and Jay-Z's "I Just Wanna Love U." "Shake Ya Ass" features Pharrell on the chorus, inviting girls to the dancefloor, giving Mystikal's rants commercial appeal.
"Bouncin' Back" is arguably a better song, and definitely better encapsulates the New Orleans sound (David Simon even used it in an episode of Treme). Here, the Neptunes deviate from their normally minimalist approach, making it sound as if Mystikal is fronting an entire Jazz Band, with alto sax, trumpets, woodblocks and trombone, complete with noise from the crowd. "Bouncin' Back" showcases the Neptunes use of live-in-studio instrumentation, which, in Hip-Hop usually only heard on Roots albums. Part Busta Rhymes, part James Brown, Mystikal kills the track, and with the Neptunes, creates one of the few Hip-Hop songs that could conceivably be used in a second line.
2. "Hot in Herre" - Nelly
The ultimate Neptunes party jam, as well as one of the biggest hits of the 2000s. The best part about the beat is the slow-build intro, a perfect preview to the Neptunes' bounciest and funkiest beat. "Hot in Herre" is a great example of the party-time Neptunes, which I've sadly underrepresented on this list. The beat to "Hot in Herre" is not dissimilar to "Shake Ya Ass," as both have minor key keyboard riffs and unconventional percussion (sounds sorta like a cowbell on this one) and reminds me of a bouncier, souped up version of "I Just Wanna Love U." "Hot in Herre" is a precursor to what I like to call the Neptunes' "Life of Luxury" era (see "Excuse Me Miss," or basically any other post-2003 Neptunes collaboration with Jay-Z, or Snoop's "Beautiful"), as "Hot in Herre" has an airy quality that is absent from the other beats on the list.
1. "Grindin'" - Clipse
"Grindin'," composed of drums that sound like doors slamming and a popcorn synth line, is the best example of the Neptunes' minimalist style. "Grindin'" is a clear precursor to "Drop It Like It's Hot," and has an almost primal energy, disturbing the listener, while making him bob his head.
Honorable Mentions: "Beautiful" - Snoop Dogg; "I Just Wanna Love U (Give it 2 Me)" - Jay-Z; "La-La-La" - Jay-Z; "Southern Hospitality" - Ludacris
Bonus list: The Neptunes' five best Pop beats:
1. "Milkshake" - Kelis 2. "Like I Love You" - Justin Timberlake 3. "Rock Your Body" - Justin Timberlake 4. "Hollaback Girl" - Gwen Stefani 5. "Señorita" - Justin Timberlake
"I'm gonna let you finish, but I got Beyoncé on the track"
Awesome, awesome, awesome. I'm always pumped for a new Kanye song, but even more so when it's a soul-flavored throwback jam with Beyoncé on the chorus (plus an awesome bridge). Kanye brings his A-game as well, shouting "FREE WEEZY" and quoting Step Brothers (his voice is like a cross between Fergie and Jesus). I'm liking "See Me Now" a bit more than "Power," which I liked a lot. One more reason to look forward to Kanye's as yet untitled fifth album.
Lost spoilers for anyone who hasn't seen the whole show
According to Spinner, a photo of Jorge "Hurley" Garcia will grace the cover of the next Weezer album, sutiably titled Hurley. Though Weezer's recent output has been, with few exceptions, a shallow, inferior derivative of the band's early classics, Hurley's fun-loving, west-coast charm, nerdy affectations and easy-going sense of humor fairly accurately depict what Weezer's music used to represent with The Blue Album and songs like "El Scorcho" (and what frontman Rivers Cuomo apparently believes it still represents). This got me thinking: What other bands could use a character from Lost as an album cover to symbolize their sound?
Jack Shephard - Nickelback Jack's breed of repetitive white-bread melodrama fits very nicely with Nickelback's brand of repetitive white-bread melodrama. The album could open with a contemplative number called "We Have to Go Back" and close with a power ballad entitled "Live Together, Die Alone." While everyone (at least everyone who takes music seriously) seems to hate Nickelback with a fiery passion, Nickelback consistently get top ten records and sell multi-platinum. Similarly, many Lost fans grew to hate Jack's "leadership" style and tendency to ALWAYS BE WRONG. However, while Jack's character enjoyed a redemption by the end of the series, it's unlikely that Nickelback will be embraced by the critical mass until they stop re-recording slightly different permutations of "How You Remind Me" (a terrible song in the first place) and attempting to pass it off as new material.
Charlie Pace - Oasis This was an obvious one, since during one of the flashbacks on the show, Charlie played "Wonderwall" for change on the streets of London. However, the parallels between Charlie and the Northern English rockers do not end there: In Lost, Charlie started a band with his brother named Liam. Noel Gallagher formed Oasis with his brother Liam. Charlie's band, Drive Shaft, was clearly modeled after Oasis, or after the many Oasis imitators that followed that band's great success. Like Charlie and his brother Liam, the Gallaghers spent most of the 2000s in a booze and heroin induced haze, reminiscing about former glory and cursing each other out in international publications (ok, the latter may have been unique to Oasis). Unlike the Gallaghers, however, Charlie was able to get over his drug addiction and his career regrets and become a contributing member of society. Tracks would include "Not Penny's Boat," a seven-minute guitar jam with a sax solo; "Turniphead," a Britpunk anthem; and a cover of the Velvet Underground's "Heroin."
Desmond Hume - David Bowie Assuming that Bowie would ever release an album without putting himself on the cover (this is a big assumption), he would be the perfect artist to depict Desmond's journey through time and space to find his true love. Ziggy Stardust could certainly do justice to Desmond's epic journey, adding a glam-rock stomp to the proceedings - perhaps by making the ultra-manly Desmond more androgynous. A Desmond album would be natural for Bowie - all he would have to do is replace all his references to Space and Aliens with Time and Polar Bears. Tracks: "The Constant"; "Push the Button"; "You're Gonna Die, Charlie"
Ben Linus - Radiohead Radiohead is a band that is obsessed with authority and paranoia. Ben Linus is a perfect picture of a paranoid authority figure. Radiohead's album such as Hail to the Thief, especially the song "The Boney King of Nowhere" could accurately describe the authoritarian regime Linus ran when he was the "leader" of the island. Also, Thom Yorke sorta looks like him. Tracks: "Dead is Dead"; "The Shape of Things to Come"; "Henry Gale"; "We're the Good Guys"
John Locke - Johnny Cash Johnny Cash's nickname was the Man in Black. Enough said. Tracks: "Don't Tell Me What I Can't Do"; "Dharma Blues"; "Sweat Lodge"; "Mr. Clean"
