Album Review - Rick Ross: Teflon Don -

It's the BOWSSSSS!

BOSS! ROZAY! I think I’m BIG MEECH! I listen to a lot of rap for a lot of reasons. Sometimes, such as when I’m listening to Nas, Common or the Tribe, I try to pay attention to the nuances of the beat and the rhythm and lyricism of the verses. Sometimes, however, I just wanna listen to a fat man shout inane catchphrases over the least subtle beat possible. Such is my feeling when I listen to “B.M.F. (Blowin’ Money Fast),” the lead single from Teflon Don, Rick Ross’s fourth album. Ross makes music that appeals directly to the pleasure center of the brain – the area that has always dreamed of popping champagne on a luxury yacht.

Until recently, Rick Ross was a clown, the biggest joke in rap music. Ross is a (give or take) 300-pound man with a full beard who frequently appears shirtless in music videos. Though he has a booming voice, his flow was often stilted and halting and he could never seem to find a rhyming dictionary. Except when he rhymed his own name with the word Boss. He was very good at that and did that at least thirty times a song. Then there was that one verse in “Hustlin’” where he kept rhyming “twenty-twos” with “twenty-twos.” Adding insult, Ross, who consistently exaggerated about being a drug kingpin in his “rhymes,” was exposed as a former corrections officer, which is commonly known as the least hood profession (behind chartered accountant and insurance claims adjuster). It seemed like strong support from Def Jam and a friendship with Jay-Z were the only things keeping Ross from falling off the face of the Earth.

However, with the release of 2009’s Deeper Than Rap, and particularly the single “Maybach Music 2,” a strange thing happened: people began to take Rick Ross seriously. Ross embraced all the criticism levied against him for his previous releases and emphasized the most outrageous, oversized aspects of his music. Instead of rapping about selling drugs and being a kingpin, Ross focuses more on the spoils of his successes: money, cars, clothes and hos. In the late 70s, some (mostly crappy) rock bands released a brand of highly polished soft rock, called Yacht Rock, created to be the type of smooth music that a yacht owner would listen to on his boat. Ross, in 2010, has embodied a similar type of music, which I like to call yacht rap--music to be enjoyed while sipping Cristal on a speedboat, and possibly with strippers and high class prostitutes. Teflon Don is the epitome of his new yacht rap aesthetic.

On Teflon Don, Ross works with producers who can create a larger-than-life, cinematic synth sound and let Ross fill the spaces with his booming voice. The two (nearly identical) Lex Luger tracks, "MC Hammer" and "BMF," are symphonies of bombast and are full of quotable lines and catchphrases. The Boss of Teflon Don is much improved as a rapper . He has improved his delivery considerably and his lyricism isn't nearly as headache inducing as it used to be (or, more likely, he hired a couple good ghostwriters). Ross adopted Maybach Music as a motto, as Ross's music represents a life of unattainable luxury, which Ross enjoys. However, the difference between Teflon Don-Ross and the old Ross is evident on "Maybach Music III," in which he trades in the second version's T-Pain for critical darling Erykah Badu--classy, no? The A-List guest list (Jay-Z, T.I., Kanye, Gucci Mane, Drake) that Ross brings onto Teflon Don, furthers the conception that he's living a life that none of us can possibly lead, and though he's routinely murdered by these guests (especially by Kanye on "Live Fast, Die Young"), he seems less of a punching bag than a gracious host, allowing his friends to step into his mansion and kill a verse.

Ultimately, listening to Teflon Don is like watching a good episode of Entourage (read: one released before 2007). It gives the listener a taste of an unattainable, perfect life and lifestyle, without being the least bit pretentious or condescending. Teflon Don is breezy and very replayable, and while Ross may be full of shit, it doesn't matter if you buy the act and enjoy the fantastic production. While you may never think of Rick Ross as Big Meech or Larry Hoover, you can at least count on him as a reliable source of some truly enjoyable rap music.

Album Review - Wale: More About Nothing

With the release of any high-profile, widely buzzed-about mixtape comes speculation about whether the rapper will retain his rhyming prowess after his inevitable jump to the mainstream. Wale’s Seinfeld themed Mixtape About Nothing was one of the better mixtapes released in recent years and proved Wale to be a versatile and exciting rapper, with a strong social sense, evidenced by the tape’s centerpiece (“The Kramer”), which dissected the widespread use of the n-word through the prism of Michael Richards’ infamous rant. In ’09, Wale released a middling LP-debut, Attention Deficit, which featured Lady Gaga on the lead single, middling production (with one big exception) and a less sharp lyrical approach. While there are some gems (“Shades,” “TV in the Radio,” “Pretty Girls”), Attention Deficit calls into question whether Wale can be effective in the mainstream record industry. More About Nothing seems to indicate that the problem lies with Wale himself.

On The Mixtape About Nothing, Wale is the equivalent of an athlete in a contract year: he was rapping to get a deal, and he tried as hard as he can to demonstrate his rhyming ability, versatility and his talent for discussing race in a way that doesn’t come off as preachy or offensive. More About Nothing suggests that Wale is rap’s Vince Carter, capable of exhilarating feats, but unable to elevate his game to an elite level unless something real is at stake. Wale’s flow remains strong, effortlessly weaving intricate rhyme schemes and sports references into his verses, except on the songs where he is content to merely talk over a beat (he doesn’t nearly have the force of personality to pull that off). The beats, however, are a little same-y; even on multiple listens, it’s sorta hard to tell the songs apart, as they all seem to be produced by a poor man’s Cool & Dre (even the one produced by Cool & Dre, themselves), going for a breezy aesthetic that sounds labored, not laid back.

Despite the similarity of the beats, the record is a lot of fun to listen to. Again, Wale's flow is excellent. Ultimately, the problem with More About Nothing is a lack of focus. On “The War,” Wale jokes “I ain’t sayin’ nothin’ anyway, so I might as well talk about nothing,” but the secret of Seinfeld, and The Mixtape About Nothing, is that it was really about everything: everyday life, failed relationships, social standards, etc. More About Nothing, it turns out, is actually all about Wale—even the “Kramer” equivalent, “The Eye of the Tiger,” in which he rhapsodizes the fate of idolized athletes in American culture, associates Tiger’s plight with his own newfound fame. Wale’s diatribes about the perils of fame are not nearly as fresh or interesting as his old rhymes about his record label drama or the state of race in America. Wale’s spent his last couple recordings chillin’, but it’s about time he got a little serious.

The Neptunes' Best Beats

When Mystikal tells you to shake ya ass, you shake it!

See part 1 here

Clarification: I'm ranking their best Hip-Hop beats

5. "What Happened to That Boy" - Baby ft. Clipse


BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Birdman. He's fly in any weather. While "What Happened To That Boy" is clearly the most intimidating song ever written with a bird call in the chorus, it's also a great example of the Neptunes' minimalist style. The beat itself only consists of a short synth loop, rhythmic handclaps and a short drum break at the start of each bar. Chad and Pharrell leave it to the rappers to fill in the blanks, providing the ice-cold ambience that Pusha T and Malice of the Clipse love. The iciness of the beat even manages to make Baby (or Birdman, or whatever) seem intimidating. To show how simple the original beat is, I'm embedding the intrumental, too.



4. "Drop it Like It's Hot" - Snoop Dogg ft. Pharrell


SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP. Speaking of minimalism, the beat for "Drop It Like It's Hot" is about has sparse as they come, consisting of mainly percussion - the only truly "musical" aspects of this beat are the saw breakdowns that precede each chorus and the instantly catchy "Snoooop" chant. The true hooks, however, come from the percussion, particularly the tongue clicks, a great example of the percussive flourishes that define the Neptunes Sound. "Drop It Like It's Hot" is probably one of the strangest songs ever to reach the top of the charts, and it's a tribute to The Neptunes' skill that they can make a huge dancefloor hit out of such few, unusual parts.

3. "Shake Ya Ass"/"Bouncin' Back (Bumpin' Me Against the Wall)" - Mystikal


While rappers like Lil Wayne, Birdman and Master P are from New Orleans, Mystikal makes New Orleans rap. The beats for "Shake Ya Ass," and especially "Bouncin' Back" draw from New Orleans' rich jazz culture, with the Neptunes forsaking their usual synth-driven sound for a more organic brass band flavor. These two songs are perhaps the best example of how the Neptunes are able to work towards the strengths of the artist. Mystikal's flow is unconventional, to say the least, full of random shouts and pauses. It's fitting that the "Bouncin' Back" video takes place in a mental institution. The Neptunes' beats perfectly suit Mystikal's rabid-dog energy, leaving him space to work, while adding regional flourishes.

"Shake Ya Ass" was one of the Neptunes' first major hits, reaching #13 on the Billboard Charts in 2000. The beat is colored by maracas, bongos, jazz flute and keyboard, and accordion. The drums, however, retain the Neptunes' main trademark, such as the big bass drum hits, that can be found in Ludacris' "Southern Hospitality" and Jay-Z's "I Just Wanna Love U." "Shake Ya Ass" features Pharrell on the chorus, inviting girls to the dancefloor, giving Mystikal's rants commercial appeal.

"Bouncin' Back" is arguably a better song, and definitely better encapsulates the New Orleans sound (David Simon even used it in an episode of Treme). Here, the Neptunes deviate from their normally minimalist approach, making it sound as if Mystikal is fronting an entire Jazz Band, with alto sax, trumpets, woodblocks and trombone, complete with noise from the crowd. "Bouncin' Back" showcases the Neptunes use of live-in-studio instrumentation, which, in Hip-Hop usually only heard on Roots albums. Part Busta Rhymes, part James Brown, Mystikal kills the track, and with the Neptunes, creates one of the few Hip-Hop songs that could conceivably be used in a second line.




2. "Hot in Herre" - Nelly



The ultimate Neptunes party jam, as well as one of the biggest hits of the 2000s. The best part about the beat is the slow-build intro, a perfect preview to the Neptunes' bounciest and funkiest beat. "Hot in Herre" is a great example of the party-time Neptunes, which I've sadly underrepresented on this list. The beat to "Hot in Herre" is not dissimilar to "Shake Ya Ass," as both have minor key keyboard riffs and unconventional percussion (sounds sorta like a cowbell on this one) and reminds me of a bouncier, souped up version of "I Just Wanna Love U." "Hot in Herre" is a precursor to what I like to call the Neptunes' "Life of Luxury" era (see "Excuse Me Miss," or basically any other post-2003 Neptunes collaboration with Jay-Z, or Snoop's "Beautiful"), as "Hot in Herre" has an airy quality that is absent from the other beats on the list.

1. "Grindin'" - Clipse


"Grindin'," composed of drums that sound like doors slamming and a popcorn synth line, is the best example of the Neptunes' minimalist style. "Grindin'" is a clear precursor to "Drop It Like It's Hot," and has an almost primal energy, disturbing the listener, while making him bob his head.

Honorable Mentions: "Beautiful" - Snoop Dogg; "I Just Wanna Love U (Give it 2 Me)" - Jay-Z; "La-La-La" - Jay-Z; "Southern Hospitality" - Ludacris

Bonus list: The Neptunes' five best Pop beats:

1. "Milkshake" - Kelis
2. "Like I Love You" - Justin Timberlake
3. "Rock Your Body" - Justin Timberlake
4. "Hollaback Girl" - Gwen Stefani
5. "Señorita" - Justin Timberlake

Woo New Kanye! - "See Me Now"

"I'm gonna let you finish, but I got Beyoncé on the track"

Awesome, awesome, awesome. I'm always pumped for a new Kanye song, but even more so when it's a soul-flavored throwback jam with Beyoncé on the chorus (plus an awesome bridge). Kanye brings his A-game as well, shouting "FREE WEEZY" and quoting Step Brothers (his voice is like a cross between Fergie and Jesus). I'm liking "See Me Now" a bit more than "Power," which I liked a lot. One more reason to look forward to Kanye's as yet untitled fifth album.

(via Kanye's blog, download link there)

Five More Lost Characters Who Should Be an Album Cover

Lost spoilers for anyone who hasn't seen the whole show

According to Spinner, a photo of Jorge "Hurley" Garcia will grace the cover of the next Weezer album, sutiably titled Hurley. Though Weezer's recent output has been, with few exceptions, a shallow, inferior derivative of the band's early classics, Hurley's fun-loving, west-coast charm, nerdy affectations and easy-going sense of humor fairly accurately depict what Weezer's music used to represent with The Blue Album and songs like "El Scorcho" (and what frontman Rivers Cuomo apparently believes it still represents). This got me thinking: What other bands could use a character from Lost as an album cover to symbolize their sound?

Jack Shephard - Nickelback

Jack's breed of repetitive white-bread melodrama fits very nicely with Nickelback's brand of repetitive white-bread melodrama. The album could open with a contemplative number called "We Have to Go Back" and close with a power ballad entitled "Live Together, Die Alone." While everyone (at least everyone who takes music seriously) seems to hate Nickelback with a fiery passion, Nickelback consistently get top ten records and sell multi-platinum. Similarly, many Lost fans grew to hate Jack's "leadership" style and tendency to ALWAYS BE WRONG. However, while Jack's character enjoyed a redemption by the end of the series, it's unlikely that Nickelback will be embraced by the critical mass until they stop re-recording slightly different permutations of "How You Remind Me" (a terrible song in the first place) and attempting to pass it off as new material.

Charlie Pace - Oasis

This was an obvious one, since during one of the flashbacks on the show, Charlie played "Wonderwall" for change on the streets of London. However, the parallels between Charlie and the Northern English rockers do not end there: In Lost, Charlie started a band with his brother named Liam. Noel Gallagher formed Oasis with his brother Liam. Charlie's band, Drive Shaft, was clearly modeled after Oasis, or after the many Oasis imitators that followed that band's great success. Like Charlie and his brother Liam, the Gallaghers spent most of the 2000s in a booze and heroin induced haze, reminiscing about former glory and cursing each other out in international publications (ok, the latter may have been unique to Oasis). Unlike the Gallaghers, however, Charlie was able to get over his drug addiction and his career regrets and become a contributing member of society. Tracks would include "Not Penny's Boat," a seven-minute guitar jam with a sax solo; "Turniphead," a Britpunk anthem; and a cover of the Velvet Underground's "Heroin."

Desmond Hume - David Bowie

Assuming that Bowie would ever release an album without putting himself on the cover (this is a big assumption), he would be the perfect artist to depict Desmond's journey through time and space to find his true love. Ziggy Stardust could certainly do justice to Desmond's epic journey, adding a glam-rock stomp to the proceedings - perhaps by making the ultra-manly Desmond more androgynous. A Desmond album would be natural for Bowie - all he would have to do is replace all his references to Space and Aliens with Time and Polar Bears.
Tracks: "The Constant"; "Push the Button"; "You're Gonna Die, Charlie"

Ben Linus - Radiohead

Radiohead is a band that is obsessed with authority and paranoia. Ben Linus is a perfect picture of a paranoid authority figure. Radiohead's album such as Hail to the Thief, especially the song "The Boney King of Nowhere" could accurately describe the authoritarian regime Linus ran when he was the "leader" of the island. Also, Thom Yorke sorta looks like him.
Tracks: "Dead is Dead"; "The Shape of Things to Come"; "Henry Gale"; "We're the Good Guys"

John Locke - Johnny Cash

Johnny Cash's nickname was the Man in Black. Enough said.
Tracks: "Don't Tell Me What I Can't Do"; "Dharma Blues"; "Sweat Lodge"; "Mr. Clean"

Stuck on Revis Island: The Jets' Season Hangs in the Balance

With each passing day, the Darrelle Revis holdout situation gets uglier and uglier. Revis is being paid a paltry $1 Million for his services - a completely unfair number fro someone who most people agreed was either the best or second-best defensive player in the NFL last year. However, Revis is asking for a contract that exceeds Oakland Raiders CB Nnamdi Asomugha's contract of $16 million a year, which is ridiculous. Revis believes that since the Jets believe he is the best defensive back in the league, he should be paid like it. The Jets have tried to compromise (with offers Revis called "insulting"), but it seems less and less likely that the Jets will be able to reach an agreement with their best player.

To the people who say that the New York Jets do not need Darrelle Revis: you are completely and utterly wrong. Rex Ryan's scheme relies heavily on man coverage, and Revis is the best man-to-man corner in the league. Coach Ryan blitzes multiple people on every down, which puts a lot of faith in cornerbacks to cover their men. Removing Revis from the equation will mean that Antonio Cromartie will have to cover Randy Moss and Brandon Marshall, who will be open every play if the blitz does not get to the quarterback in time. Revis is the lynchpin of the best pass defense in the league.

About the contract: Both sides are wrong. Revis is demanding way too much money and Woody Johnson is completely unreasonable when he offers no money guaranteed. Once again, we can blame this on Al Davis, whose senile and insane business practices have played a big part in this current CBA conflict. Revis has to understand that Asomugha is being paid an obscene amount of money and that any team that wants to have a realistic shot at playoff cannot afford this type of cap hit. Ultimately, Revis clearly deserves more money than he's being paid, but he and his agent need to be reasonable.

I really hope that cooler heads prevail in this one, because the Jets need Revis, and don't need another head case. Here's hoping this is just a Hard Knocks publicity stunt.

HAHAHAHA, Oh man!

This video could mean one of two things:

Door # 1: Kanye has taken all of the criticism about his tremendous ego and inflated sense of self and embraced it - creating a video that represents exactly what his critics hate about him and shoving it in their faces. He knows that, post-Taylor Swiftgate, no matter what he does, people will think of him as an egomaniac jackass, so he might as well embrace it.

Door # 2: Kanye is a genuine crazy person who honestly believes that he is the center of the Universe and that God himself placed him on this planet as a gift to the world of music and the world at large. It's possible that he considers himself as some sort of demi-God, like Zeus's many children in Greek Mythology.

Either way, Kanye is BACK, and this song is pretty damn good. Kanye's an egomaniac, but at heart, so is every rapper, and ultimately every musician (listen to or read a Bob Dylan interview and tell me he doesn't think highly of himself). Kanye, at least, is honest and upfront about his self-centered-ness and as long as the great stuff keeps on coming, it's easy to look the other way to his buffoonish behavior, ridiculous Twitters and Christ-posturing music videos.

The Producers: The Neptunes

Welcome to a new series called The Producers, where I turn my attention to the maestros behind the boards in Hip-Hop and Pop. While MCs, may understandably get all the attention, any Hip-Hop song lives and dies with its beat. The best producers know how to work to an MC’s strengths, challenging the rapper and forcing him to take his flow to new heights. Other times, MCs will tailor their rhyme to the beat, taking advantage of the bells and whistles of the producer’s sound and exploiting the negative space. This is a salute to the best beatmakers around:

The Producer: The Neptunes, more than any other artist or entity, helped give an identity to pop music in the 2000s. The Virginia Beach production duo is comprised of Pharrell Williams and Chad Hugo (Virginia Beach, interestingly enough, was somewhat of a hotbed of production talent in the mid- 90s, as the scene also brought us fellow genius Timbaland). Pharrell became a celebrity because of his fondness of lending his trademark falsetto to the hooks of many of the group’s productions, despite the fact that his voice sounds like what a neutered Marvin Gaye would sound like if he were forced to sing while being strangled (he also occasionally attempts to rap a verse on some of his tracks, presumably to make the actual rapper sound much better in comparison). Though Pharrell’s falsetto is often grating, his presence on a track signaled to the listener that the song was a Neptunes production, and therefore unlike anything else on the air.

The Neptunes were instrumental in shaping the direction of popular music in the new millennium for several reasons: First, the Neptunes were partially responsible for the genre-mixing and the urbanization of Popular Music that marked the 2000s. Though Hip-Hop and R&B had been mostly integrated since the early 1990s, Pop and Hip-Hop remained separate. However, the Neptunes’ obliterated the gap between Pop and Hip-Hop in 2000 when they remixed “The Call,” by the Backstreet Boys, and added a verse by Pusha T of the Clipse. The Neptunes, who previously had only produced Hip-Hop and R&B, were thrust into the world of Pop, and by 2001, they were producing tracks for Britney Spears and No Doubt. In 2002, the Clipse appeared on Justin Timberlake’s “Like I Love You,” further mixing the previously disparate worlds of Pop and Rap. It’s hard to think about how unconventional this was back in the day; while in 1999, it would have been unthinkable for a rapper to appear on a Britney Spears song and be taken seriously, but nowadays, Snoop Dogg does a song with Katy Perry and no one bats an eye.

Second, the Neptunes were one of the driving forces in turning Hip-Hop into the most commercially viable form of popular music in the 2000s. While Hip-Hop established itself as a legitimately profitable and artistic musical genre in the mid-1980s, Hip-Hop songs rarely reached the top of the Billboard Hot 100 without the help of an established R&B singer, except for certain singles by megastars such as Biggie, Puff Daddy or Dr. Dre, and watered-down pop-rap novelty tunes (see, “U Can't Touch This,” "Bust a Move," “Ice Ice Baby”). The Neptunes’ success at implementing Hip-Hop into their new breed of pop music helped turn rappers like Nelly, Ludacris and Snoop Dogg into legitimate pop stars.

Third, the Neptunes versatility and success paved the way for the increased incorporation of electronic music into Pop. While electronic sounds have long been explored in Hip-Hop and Pop, the Neptunes were among the first to integrate the glitches, sweeping synths and drums of 1980s Detroit Techno into Hip-Hop and Pop. The critical acclaim and chart success of their productions caused other producers to follow suit, and the lush soul samples that defined Hip-Hop in the 90s became less prevalent. Neptunes-esque synths soon became the norm in Pop music, replacing the soft guitar sounds of the Boy Band era.

Fourth, and most importantly, for this series, the Neptunes, along with Timbaland, helped redefine the role of a producer in popular music. While producers were just as vital before the 21st Century, the Neptunes helped turn the producer into a brand--a draw unto itself, no matter the artist he or she is working with.

The Sound: The Neptunes' versatility makes it hard to pin down one definitive sound for the group. They always have a distinctive percussive sound, generated by Pharrell's frequent use of live recordings of himself playing the drums, rather than just loops and drum machines. The Neptunes have an affinity of generating percussive sounds from unusual sources (woodblocks, maracas, tongue clicking). Chad utilizes a wide array of synth sounds, ranging from lush, processed strings (Jay'Z's "Excuse Me Miss," T.I.'s "Goodlife"), to a clean, guitar-like stab (Timberlake's "Rock Your Body," Snoop Dogg's "Beautiful") to an unfiltered, heavy Korg (synthesizer) bassline (Clipse's "Trill," Kelis's "Milkshake"). The tell-tale sign of a Neptunes production (besides the presence of Pharrell, which is a giveaway) is the off-kilter keyboard (or synth, as it may be), with its atonal scales and chords that don't resolve (Jay-Z's "La-La-La," Lupe Fiasco's "I Gotcha"). It's a testament to their skill that despite the variety of their productions, they still have a distinctive, trademark sound.

Soon: The Neptunes' Best Beats

Required Reading: The Legacy of J Dilla & Freddie GIbbs Interview

• Nate Patrin of Pitchfork posted an essential essay on the legacy of J Dilla. It's a showcase of some of his best beats and talks about how he evolved as a musician and influenced a litany of new talent. It's a fitting tribute to a fantastic producer.
• Freddie Gibbs, who recently released a pretty damn good mixtape called Str8 Killa No Filla, is interviewed by Complex magazine. In this interview, he disses DJ Khaled and sings the praises of Rick Ross. Interesting guy.
• Videogum is one of the most consistently hilarious blogs around and today's recap of Mad Men written in the voice of a ten-year-old kid is one of the funniest things you'll read all day
• Some good news from Arrested Development creator Mitch Hurwitz: he's halfway through the script for a feature length movie, which was first rumored to hit theaters last year. Better late than never, I suppose.